BAD SCHOOL!!!

this school that im going to is soooo redictlous!!!
people say that there is no bullying going on
but there is!!!
so many people have moved becuase of it
also there has been a souicide!
im also angry about bullying because im a person that is being bullied at this school
for the people who are being bullied
im sorry
im sorry that people are hurting you
i know how it feels
i know that maybe some nights you jsut want to die!
but dont kill yourself over what people say
its not worth it!
that would tell them that they won the battle!
you really dont want that
because then they will think that whey are winners
and they arent!
the only people that should feel sad about themselves
is the bully!
they should be unhappy
not you
i wish we all could just get back at the bullies
that way they know how we feel!
but people say revenge is bad
what do you say about it?

Sad/Romantic movies

its funny....
when you see say/romantic movies
you always with that could happen to youe
like the huge romantic kiss in the pooring rain
or have the guy say i love you
or sometimes, just maybe the "romantic sex"!
a wierd thing about these movies
the guy the girl falls in love with always dies!!
why do they do that?
do the movie writers like seeing teen girls cry their eyes out?
what has this world come to?!?!
im not going to lie
i do like watching these kind of movies
i watch them to laugh at them!
i mean, how many people do you see that have the same kind of relationship as like the poeple in the movies?
because to me, well.....theres none!
nope! nada! none! ziltch!
even though us girls with that the romantic scenes would come true in our life
well there is no way
maybe for other girls
but not just me
im not saying theres no love
i truley believe in it
but maybe ill find more interest in these movies if i found my love
you know?

"I Love You" or I Like You A lot...

i always hear people say "I Love You" to eachother
they think it really means something
but to me, all they are saying is that "I Like You A lot
i mean, we are just in high school!
your not old enough to know what Love means
with mei thought i Loved this guy
but it wasnt Love
i was just me like him a lot
sometimes i wish there was a low for people not say Love til they are atlease 20!
bellow 20 years of age
your brain dosnt even have a spot for Love yet
so in high school, its just a made up word to your brain
so in high school......"I Love You" really means, i Like You A lot.

thank you

What Does It Mean When...

i cant sleep at night
there are so manythings that are running through my head
and im scared that something bad might happen
im so upset to notice anything
or anyone
not having sleep is killing me
my eyes are heavy
my voice is crappy
im too tired to do anything
but yet, i cant fall alsleep
what does it mean?

past...

now that i look in the past with the person that used to be my friend, the one that made the rumors about me....
well im happy shes out of my life
she always said so many mean things to me
i have read some of the notes and she always said that i ditched her for other people
but that is not true
because she was the one that ditched me for other ppl like guys
she always blamed everything on me
if i said something wrong she would just go to other people and just start crying and say i hurt her or something
she was always a bad person
im glad shes gone
she made me worse
becides, i have way more and way better friends now
they dont hurt me like she always did
i cant believe that i always went back to her
i was almost practically begging her to be my friend
wow, i was soo sad back then
well thank you person for changing my mind about you
your a horrible person
im way better off without you

i just dont know anymore...

when im in school, and with friends im ok
but when i am alone
i just feel dead, like im not able to do anything right in life
everything gets so quiet
i swear that i can even hear my heart beat sometimes
i sometimes want to hurt my self
and i say that i need help
because i want to die
i feel hated by everyone too sometimes
somedays all i want to do is sit in a dark room and just cry
when there is someone there to help me from my problems i just turn them away
or they just think im good enough that i dont need to talk to anyone
so without telling me that it was our last session,
they just leave me
they dont even ask how i am
i do need help i know it
but either it goes away or i turn the help away.
i just dont know anymore

favorite saying...

when your i love
you cant fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams

What am i doing

i slip my thumb on a rough surface
i see a little flame come out
i take this thing that is just like a paper rolled into a tube
i take thte front end to the small flame
i put my lips on the backend of the paper tube
i enhale
then i exale and smoke comes out of my mouth
it looks like when its winter you can see your breathe
but, this isnt winter
i keep doing this over and over again
until my lips feel this warmth
it burns
i look and the tube is gone
my eyes feel kind of heavy
im a little dizzy
but it feels so good
i do this a lot with different tubes
i know this is not good for me
but it feels good to me
i need to stop.

siblings....

being the oldest child in the family is kinda hard sometimes
you have to do a lot more work thatn your sibling
it sometimes seems that your parents love them more
but thats not true
they love you both the same
when your the oldest you have to show your sibling right from wrong
you have to help them through life
you might get in a lot of fights
but when the fight is over
you give eachother a hug
and say all of your sorrys
sometimes you say that you hate your sibling
but you know that you love them
and you always will.